- It’s been fun
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- My 2014 was about the need of freedom – and the discovery of home
- Meet 55-year-old Slavik, the most fashionable homeless man in Ukraine
- Wanderers – a short film by Erik Wernquist
- Wonderlust by Sarah Anne Johnson
- Postcards from Pripyat, Chernobyl
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Category Archives: Thoughts
For 4 weeks I’ve known that it was time to write my annual New Year’s blog post. The one where I look back on the past year – and write about my experiences and learnings, my ups and downs, my work, my family and my love. I’m always kind of torn between wanting to write it and not wanting to. It’s easier not doing it. It takes so much time! And so many thoughts.
But I also want to do it. For my own sake. For my personal development. And to share, which is so fundamental to me. But writing this is kind of like writing a diary – for a whole year. Let’s call it a “Yeary”. Seriously, it’s taken me more than 2 weeks to finish writing this. That’s why it always seems so hard when I have to get started …
To remind myself of what happened in my life in 2012, I took a look at all my Instagrams from that year. Apparently I shared 1,156 Instagrams in 2012. So giving myself the challenge of picking out 1 photo from each month was too hard. I chose to pick 2 from each month instead, which you can see in the post, when you scroll down.
I WENT TRAVELLING
It’s been a year with visits to quite a few places.
- In March I went to South By South West (SXSW) in Austin, Texas for the Interactive, Film and Music Festival with some friends. What I love about this place is, that all the digital rock stars are there. And they look just as informal as you wearing their sweatshirts or hoodies. You get to listen to their stories about their success, struggles, and what they learned. And you walk around in a place, having super interesting people to talk to from all over the world, no matter where you turn your head. Some of the awesome people I met were MC and Sabine from Relax In The Air, who asked me “What’s the next big thing”. I talked about this for more than an hour. So no wonder they cut down their video to only 40 minutes
New York City
- Then I went to New York City to revisit the city and stay with my good friend Philip. Unfortunately the air conditioning in Austin had made me awfully sick. So I actually ended up spending way more time in bed, than I wanted to.
Gibraltar and Málaga, Spain
- In May I went to Málaga, Spain and Gibraltar with my Dad, his girlfriend, her son and his family, and my brothers and sisters on my Dad’s side and their families. 15 people in total. My Dad invited us all to celebrate his retirement and how he got well through the clot he got in his heart the year before. It’s so rare that you travel with your whole family as an adult. But it’s an awesome way to spend time together with the people, you’ve known your whole life.
Our house in Sweden and the isle of Bornholm, Denmark
- Summer was spent with good friends in my family’s house in Sweden. And then a visit to my childhood home in Bornholm. Normally, when I get home from vacations, I pick out some photos and make a blog post with them. Not really writing much about the vacation, but letting the photos tell the story. I still have a sticky on my computer saying: “Do blog post about Sweden and Bornholm”. And then one month later I added “and Amsterdam and Hamburg too”. I even chose the photos from some of the destinations. But I never made the posts, because I was too busy. I don’t like that I never made them. So I might make the posts this year
- I invited my youngest brother with me to Amsterdam, Holland in September. I hadn’t seen the city for 20 years! So I wanted to go back – and man, do I ever love this city! So incredibly beautiful. Full of interesting architecture and history and people. Two years ago, on Instagram, I got a friend from Amsterdam called Lieke. I actually mentioned her in last year’s New Year’s blog post as well. Since she’d be out of town for a week anyway, my brother and I stayed in her apartment for 5 days. Thank you so much, Lieke! I’m deeply grateful. Borrowing your two bikes was just as awesome. Everyone should go to Amsterdam and bike around the city!
- The week after going to Amsterdam, I went on a girl’s trip to Hamburg, Germany with 4 friends. We were only there for a weekend. But Hamburg has so much to offer. So I have to go back! I didn’t get to see everything in their extraordinary harbor and I never saw their art exhibitions either.
New Instagram friends around the world
Hamburg made me think about, how I always get new, cool Instagram friends from the cities, I visit, after I’ve been there. Or when I’m about to go home. Checking my Instagram stats, I can see, that I location tag 92% of my photos, which means local people find them. Sometimes I wish I got to know these people before I went there, so I could meet them for beer or coffee and get the cool local recommendations.
In 2012 I became a Partner and Creative Director in the digital agency Contentcube. Up until this time Contentcube was known as a great subcontractor for the ad agencies when they needed awesome code for their digital solutions. But they’d started working directly with the clients, not needing the ad agencies. To do this better, I got on the team. And we started a journey on truly becoming a digital agency, which not only delivered killer ass code. But also strategy and creative development.
It’s been lots and lots of hard work. It still is. But I love my colleagues. We have fun with work! And we make solutions that we are now proud of. One of the things that I truly love about us is, that we value the well-being of our people. I do work too much. But I take time off when I need it too. We’re very much aware of how we are doing. Always trying to create what’s best for the individual person.
My dad moved away
During 2012 my dad moved to Jutland – about 4 hours away from Copenhagen. For Danish standards this is far! I was really torn about this. My mind understood why. He’d been in a long distance relationship with his girlfriend for 10 whole years! She lived in Jutland. He’s from Jutland originally. His girlfriend’s son and his family live there. My big sister and her family live there. And since they decided to find a house in the same town as my sister, I was really happy for them – and for my 3 nieces.
But in my heart I was sad. I felt as if I lost my dad. After all these years in Copenhagen having him close by, I was used to having the opportunity! The opportunity of seeing him. When I needed to talk to him, needed his help or advice, or when I just wanted to share an experience with him like going to an art exhibition, movie or dinner. It even made me sad, that he would be so far away, when I have kids one day. I was sad that they wouldn’t get a close relationship to him, since he now lived too far away. Selfishly I was even sad to loose the opportunity of him taking care of them, when they got sick, and I had to work. I don’t even have any kids yet! But still I thought this way.
What is it with brothers? Pull yourself together
At one point this year I got extremely tired of having so many brothers. My brothers, especially the two oldest, are really bad at taking initiatives. They don’t phone you. Not just me, but any of the family members. They receive phone calls, text messages, and invites. They don’t make them themselves. So if you want to see them, you have to act yourself. Not that they don’t want to see you. They just never get around to take the initiative. And sometimes they don’t even answer my calls and texts, which I had to tell them, made me feel as if they took me for granted, and sometimes made me not invite them at all! Because this way I saved myself from getting annoyed with not receiving a simple “Thanks, Sis. I’d love to!” or “Sorry, babe. No can’t do. How about next week?”.
My sisters are not like this. Just the boys. But I decided I was sick of always having to be the including big sister – even to my older brother. It couldn’t be my problem, if they missed out. But it still made me sad. Because I wanted to see them! My brothers and sisters are some of the people I laugh with the most. We often cry from laughing so hard. Also with our parents. All of our many parents I still want this. I just don’t want to carry all the responsibility and need to remind them to answer the invitation I was so nice to send.
I need people to care for me too
Recently I needed to tell one of my brothers about something that made me sad. Him and I are super close. He’s been through a lot – and from time to time I’ve had an extra eye on him so to speak. Being more aware of him. Caring for him. And helping him with the things, that troubled him. During 2012 he got a new wonderful girlfriend, which was amazing for them both! This lead to the classic silence, that you as a friend or family member often experience, when your close ones finds new love. I still phoned and texted him, like I used to. But he didn’t have time to see me, and didn’t get in touch with me for a whole month – which is long in our case.
That exact same month I went through lots and lots of work. And an emotional roller coaster love wise, even though it was super short. So when my brother finally wrote me, I got quite provoked. Because I felt as if: “Well, sis – now I need you again. I have no clue, what you’ve been through. But now I need you”. So my response to him was being quite annoyed. And honest. This made him become silent for two more weeks actually. I didn’t have time to bother. And I didn’t care, because I knew, that I hadn’t been unfair. And then he started to act as if nothing happened.
This thing is, I was hurt. I’ve grown up as a big sister. Taking care of others, often more than myself. I’m one of these women, that people call “strong and independent”. One who always gets through things, and gets up, no matter how far down she goes. BUT! This doesn’t mean, that you shouldn’t ask me, how I am doing! This doesn’t mean, that I don’t need people to be there for me too. Just because I’m there for them.
I think, the reason why I am able to be strong and get through things, is because I’ve always let people in to my life. My experiences, thoughts, and emotions. I never deal with stuff completely by myself. I always open up. I talk about it. Honestly. And always daring to be vulnerable. Actually because I don’t not how not to.
I told my brother about this. Which made him realize something he’d never thought about. He just saw me as his strong big sister, who was always there, when he needed me. So he got sad by the fact that he didn’t even ask, when I needed him to. Even if I’d had the most amazing month ever, I still needed him to ask! I need for people to show that they’ll take care of me too.
I thought about death. And life!
During 2012 my cousin, who’s only 2 years older than me, got cancer. Fortunately it was the “best” kind of cancer, you can get as a man. Because more than 99% with this type of cancer are cured. But you still have to go through chemo therapy. And this made me sad. 2 month before this, he’d become a father to his first-born. So having to go through chemo, would mean time away from being the dad and husband and man, he would like to be – for at least 8 months.
This made me think about my life. What I still want to do, achieve – and love. Who I want in my life. What I want. And I made my bank lady fix my insurances. She did straight away – and sent me papers… which I still haven’t taken the time to read and sign.
Did you actually read this far? Or did you just scroll down to this chapter?
I just noticed that I could almost just copy and paste the chapter about Men from last years New Year’s post. Because I basically experienced the same things:
- I didn’t fall in love in 2012
- I said no to so many dates (and stuff), because my focus was elsewhere and I wasn’t curious enough
- And most of the men, who did get me interested, where already in a relationship
The difference between the single man and the one in a relationship
During summer I suddenly saw this strong pattern in my way of meeting men. For months and months and months I hadn’t really been interested in dating. I really had to feel curious about a man to even consider having a coffee with him. Or even continue the talk, when I was out at night.
I find it very easy to get sex. But sex is not interesting enough in itself. Not where I’m at. It’s not that I can’t enjoy a man just for the night. I’ve always been able to. But I want way more than just sex. So I noticed, that I instinctively thought: “Would I want to meet this man again on Tuesday?”, when I met someone. And if I couldn’t feel this curiosity – this lust for more. To get to know him even better – then no thanks. During single times in my 20’s, I would have dealt with this completely different. But I’m at another place in my life now. And seriously; I didn’t want to bother with the fact that he possibly would want more afterwards. So it was easier to just say no. And not get involved at all. I didn’t need it. And the compliment of knowing, that I easily could, was enough.
I noticed during the summer, that I easily got very tired of single men trying to catch me up in bars, on Facebook, or elsewhere. They seemed so hungry, that it made them uninteresting to me. They tried too hard. They didn’t relax. And lots of them focused too much on how sexy they thought I was. I’m aware that this is a major compliment. And of course, I like hearing this. But fact is, that it’s a compliment you want from certain people. Not everyone. And if a man tells you, that he thinks you’re hot 3 times within the first 7 minutes, you talk, you really get a feeling, that all he wants is your body. Every now and then I’ve questioned men about this, and told them, that this is how you easily can perceive it. They’ve all given me the answer, that if they weren’t as fascinated by my personality too, they wouldn’t be as interested in my body either. I think I’ll stick to their answer. I, also, become way more attracted to personalities wrapped nicely. Way more than just the hot wrapping.
But what it all came down to, really, with all these single men, was that they were so eager, that I didn’t get time to get to know them. I could just pick them up as I felt. It was so easy. And I truly don’t believe, that it has to be hard. I absolutely hate it, when people play hard to get. But what I was interested in was getting to know them. Not just f*** them. This was probably why I kept on running into men, who were in a relationship. They’d flirt and talk and be interested in getting to know me. And since they weren’t allowed to pick me up, I’d actually have a chance to get to know them too. And become curious. And get that far in the conversation, that you suddenly start to put 2 and 2 together and find out, that they have a girlfriend. Which then is the reason for you to face them with reality and honesty, when they start sending you Facebook mails continuously in the time after. I cannot use a man, who has someone else. Why on earth would I waste time on that?
The bike ride home from a friend
It wasn’t until August 2012 that I felt, that now I’d really like to meet someone. My focus all year had been on building up the company. But now I felt like meeting someone interesting and getting involved. The feeling – or readiness – didn’t make me meet more men, who got me curious though. But I became aware of giving things a shot. Taking a chance. And not be as “Naaah, why bother”, as I had been all through spring and summer.
I remember riding my bike home from my good friend Tobias, thinking: “Here I ride. I’m at a good age. I don’t have any hard baggage or major issues that I deal with. I have an interesting personality. I feel attractive. I look attractive. And even though I have lots and lots of people, that I care for, I still have love to give! But I haven’t found the one to give my love”. And then I laughed, when my thought continued with: “Hey! A man would be lucky to have me!”. When I told Tobias about this though, he agreed. Yay! And I remembered, how two male friends of mine, Jesper and Sune, had called me a “catch” earlier this year. I’m very aware, that I am just human. With faults and oddness and specialties and imperfectness. This creates my personality and makes me aware of what to learn, improve, and work on. But I’m still one h*** of a human catch
The talk about what I needed
One of my friends, Henrik, was talking about his crew of guy friends and this trip they went on. I heard myself saying: “Hey, by the way – don’t you have a great friend, that I should meet”, thinking that if I know this many super great guys, they must know someone – or have a cousin – who I haven’t met or gotten to know yet, who could possibly be super interesting to me. But in this case my friend answered: “No, heck no, Laura – you’re way to good to my friends. You have so much personality and so much edge yourself, that you need someone extraordinaire”.
I felt so misunderstood. Because what I really want is normal. Of course, the man, that attracts me, has personality and edge. And of course, he’s extraordinary – to me! He’s not plain and boring. But I’m not looking for a character. I’m looking for a match. I just want normal. What’s normal to me.
I’d forgotten about this feeling
During the fall I met someone, who became the very first man in 2012 that I’d felt like seeing twice! That was kind of big to me. Because when I’d been out with someone earlier this year, my curiosity disappeared after that one date. And since I couldn’t feel any urge to ‘get to know him better’, I simply didn’t. I wouldn’t want to waste our time, when the interest just wasn’t there.
Wanting to get to know someone better, reminded me of a feeling, that hadn’t felt all year! This specific insecurity that you suddenly feel, when you want more of something – or someone – you don’t know if you can have. Because right of a sudden, you’re not the only one to decide. You’re completely dependent on the fact, that he feels the same. And wants the same. And has the same great timing, and so forth. The awareness of being able to loose what you just found! At first I got really annoyed with this feeling. Because we never really enjoy this feeling, right. But I was actually happy, that I was reminded about it. Because it meant, that I found something – and felt this “wanting to get to know better” – again. And that’s a positive thing – and a great first step! Even though the relation, which had reminded me of this feeling, stopped after seeing each other only these two times.
FraekFredag has been part of the blog since the beginning. But during 2012 I created a FraekFredag board on Pinterest too, that was way more packed than my Friday posts. I was more large with what I pinned, than what I blogged. The very best and most edgy stuff went on the blog. Pinterest was an over all mood board. Until Pinterest had their major (strict American) clean up – and they deleted it without a warning. They even blocked my whole blog as a source of pinning, because OMG! What if people pinned nudity from my blog. Fact was, that people pinned way more design, architecture and quotes from my blog than nude people. So I got really pissed with Pinterest. And I’ve found myself using their platform less and less since their clean up stunt. I wasn’t the only one getting my artistic soft porn board deleted. So Pinterest now lacks edge so must, that there really isn’t must interesting stuff to go there for, in my opinion. Neat Do It Yourself stuff and great looking food tends to look the same after a while.
Am I into women, just because I know who’s hot?
“Laura, are you into women too?”, is a question I sometimes get because of FraekFredag. Only from men though. When I raise my eyebrows along with the thought of: “Really??!!”, the man will continue his wonder: “… but how else can it be, that you are able to pick out exactly those women, that makes me turned on?”.
I have to admit, that I always loose a slightly bit of respect of the person, when I get this question. Because being able to see beauty, art, edge, and sexuality in a human being is so not the same as getting attracted by it. And if you truly think that, I’ll think of you as being shallow, and not relaxed about what sexuality is.
I’m not turned on by women. I’m not into women in any sexual way. But I think that women can look extremely hot and sexy and awesome. And that the female body can look like the finest piece of art – with its form and shape and landscape. But they don’t turn me on. And they don’t make my fantasies run wild. I’m happy to be a woman myself!
Men turn me on. Big time! Always have. Sex turn me on as well. Sometimes, when I see a hot man while looking for FraekFredag’s content, my mind wanders off. My dear colleague Mads said to me at lunch one day: “Laura, I’ve noticed that the men on your blog have a lot of hair!” Haha! That’s really funny. And true. I’m not into these baby face kind of guys. But instead; men that aren’t as clean and metro sexual as the fashion industry wanted them to be a few years back.
There’s still more women than men on my blog. It’s so super hard to find the good stuff. Seriously; I probably look through 600 photos to find 8 useful ones. Which means I’ve seen so much awful, boring, and gross stuff. And also stuff, I could live without having ever seen! Finding great stuff with men is even harder! Nude material with men easily becomes way too gay or way too porn and vulgar for my taste! But every now and then I find something, that’s so edgy, that it’s awesome – but simply too much for the blog. Like this other day, when I found a close up photo of a penis being licked by 2 men at the same time, but you could only see their mouths. And that one mouth was surrounded by a brown beard, and the other mouth was surrounded by a red one. Such a awesome photo, because it made you look twice, just to figure out how many people this actually involved! But the photo was too porn for the blog. So instead of going to waste, I showed it to half of my colleagues instead. All guys I had a good laugh.
FraekFredag touches people around the world
I often receive mails from people from around the world, who thank me for doing my blog and for inspiring them in their daily lives. This makes me really happy. It’s so nice to put a name or some facts and feelings on the many people, who are just numbers in my statistics if I don’t hear from them. Sometimes I have material sent to me for FraekFredag. Only from men though. I’ve never received anything from women. But I’ve never received something, that was good enough for the blog. Yet. I’d really rather for the great photographers and filmmakers to sent me their stuff, than the “normal” ones I also receive great compliments from my blog readers about FraekFredag. I love the fact that I can receive an e-mail from a Canadian woman, presenting herself as 49-year-old, pointing out: “I love your blog, especially on Fridays” – and later that same day receive a mail from a young French gay man, complimenting the fact that I have great taste in men, and respecting me for showing gay photos of men kissing men. This is what FraekFredag is really about: Gathering people in lust and hot energy and make us feel alive!
Oh. And by the way… In 2012 I put myself on FraekFredag for the very first time – in a costume, I had made myself and called The Raven from Allan Edgar Poe, which I wore at my friend Daniel’s Halloween party.
FACING SOME NEVER-ENDING CHALLENGES
As I entered New Year’s I became aware, that I still have to deal with some of my personal qualities – that sometimes turn into challenges; my lack of patience and my straightforwardness. I was, yet again, faced with the fact that people sometimes misunderstand me – even though I am extremely honest and straightforward. It can seem so strange to be misunderstood when being straightforward. But it happens because people over interpret what I actually say – or what they think my intentions are. Instead of just listening to the words I say. They are simply not used to people speaking their true mind and being good at putting thoughts and feelings in to exact words. Instead they mix my words with their own fears – or their own hopes. Which sometimes creates completely unnecessary troubles.
The other day I discussed my honesty and straightforwardness with a good colleague of mine, Rasmus N. We talked about the fact that I am often misunderstood for being like this. When I give a man a compliment for his cool shirt or beautiful beard, that really suits him, he sometimes understands this as if I was saying: “You look hot. I am interested in getting to know you”. And that wasn’t what I said. I give compliments to women too. Like the other day, when I complemented two young women – working in a clothing store – for their extremely beautiful hair. This made them both so happy. And it even made the lady next to me agree out loud and ask, if they were sisters. Then all four of us got aroused by this heart warm energy that spread instantly. In this case I wasn’t misunderstood. I was seen as me. I think I’ve only been misunderstood once in my life, from giving a compliment to a woman. This was when I complimented the green dress of a somewhat famous singer in Denmark, who’s a good friend of my friend Fabian. She acted so protective as if I said: “Hey girl, want to be my new BFF?”. I feel sad, when people misunderstand my intention, just because I let them know, that I see them – and the effort they do.
I think it’s because women in my country are quite bad at giving compliments to men. And when they do, it’s because they want something – so they sometimes have a purpose with saying it. This goes for men too! But what if we all started to say the nice things, that we do think, out loud… way more often?! What if we weren’t so afraid of how people perceived it. Or what they thought about us. What if we made them smile and feel good about themselves?
What happens when I keep it to myself
Every now and then I keep a compliment to myself. Something nice or beautiful that I think or feel about someone. Sometimes because I think it will be misunderstood if said out loud. Or that we’re not in the right place or situation. But I always instantly get this feeling of delusion, which makes me feel bad. As if I’m not true to myself. I don’t know why it’s so important for me to share it with the person, who it matters. But I think it’s because I know, that in the end the other person can use this way more than me. And if I don’t say it out loud, it’s as if it doesn’t exists. And this is a lie. Because I thought it – or felt it. So it did actually exist in me.
Recently this beautiful man looked at me with wonder and curiosity and asked: “Are you always listening this much to your intuition?”. I remember getting surprised, because I felt as if: “What else could I listen to?”. Even though my thoughts can play tricks with me and fool me into feeling fear or worry, my intuition is always stronger than them. Something that I can’t put aside. I feel intuition. And when I’m true to myself I always act out of heart and body. Not out of head and thoughts. When I’m not true to myself, like when I allow fear or worries to take over for more than just a quick thought, I act stupid. So whenever I notice, that my energy has started to move from my body towards my head, I try to use this awareness to cut off my head and bring the energy down in my body again. Where it belongs. Where I am true. And the person I like better.
WHAT I SAID A YEAR AGO
If you look at last year’s blog post, you’ll see, that I had some thoughts and hopes for 2012. Now I can answer, whether this happened or not.
“I think my blog will change its appearance during 2012”
I actually really hoped, that 2012 would be the year where my blog got a new web design. But it wasn’t. I didn’t have time to even take one single step further in this direction. I hope I’ll prioritize it this year.
“I have to spend more time with myself. With no plans. With one-way entertainment, where I am the one receiving. So I can be there for me.”
I did become better at this! I used my iPad to watch tv-series at least 3 times a week. And at least 20-40 minutes. This is so important to me, because it gives me some time, where I can only be. I don’t have to use my head. I’m just entertained. I don’t share it. I don’t talk about it. It doesn’t make me smarter, and it really doesn’t inspire me. I can’t use it. I can just watch and laugh. Then my head relaxes. I still need to focus on this.
“These are the things, I had too little of in 2011. So more of these things in 2012:
TV. Sleep. Teaching. Butterflies.”
TV – on the iPad, was really the only thing I improved during 2012. I definitely didn’t get much sleep! And neither teaching or butterflies. I think for 2013 I’ll focus on keeping it up with the TV watching on my iPad, trying to get more sleep – which is kind of ironic to write, when in fact it’s 1:48 AM right now… and I’m still at work – and getting to know those butterflies again! Some new ones. The ones that come out of this complete sense of “This is right. This is just how it was always meant to be. I feel like I’ve known you always – but just found you now”. That’s what I will go for.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
As some of you know, I’ve never blogged to get clicks or likes. I think I was just born with this sharing chromosome I’ve always shared. My thoughts, my ideas, my insights and learning… through dialogue, letters, e-mails, social platforms and this blog. I think I’ve always been like “What’s the deal with keeping things to myself, that can give something to others too? I won’t make a difference to this world, if I keep things to myself”. But even though I don’t blog for clicks and visits… if I did, you’d find completely different content here… I’m still really happy when I look at my blog statistics. The high numbers lets me know, that you are there! And that what I find and share, does something to other people than just me. And this makes me happy.
But what I like way more, is when people like, retweet, or share. This let’s me know, that what I found made such an impact – like a smile or a new thought – that you feel like paying this forward. And even better; sometimes it turns anonymous numbers in the statistics in to real people. Which I’m way more interested in than numbers! I’ve never really understood why some people are so stingy with their likes. What’s there to loose?
So I want to thank you all for following and taking an interest in me and my blog. Thank you so much for paying it forward, whenever a blog post does something good to you. And thank you for all your e-mails with compliments, thoughts or great finds of your own. Your comments and e-mails make me smile and feel happy and appreciated. And I love to get to know you a bit better through the dialogue.
May your 2013 be fun, brave, honest, and full of love.
These are my chosen Instagrams from my 2012:
Today, May 10th, laurajul.dk is turning 2 years!
This could have been a blog post about my thoughts on blogging, the blog’s development, the stats, how I use the blog – and what it brings. Great stories about getting inspired and getting moved by people and their work and thoughts. And stories, that I’ve been told, from people who become moved, inspired or entertained by this blog. And how these stories make me feel.
It won’t be that blog post. Because I really need to go to bed now.
But! What I can tell, before I go to sleep…
I blog to share.
I think sharing is in my DNA. I think it’s in all of us.
I believe in sharing. I believe in the effect of it. What it does to people. And how is makes you dare more yourself, when people open up and share… their idea, their words, their feelings, art, design, joke, expression or their body.
I’ll wait with the ‘body sharing’ for tomorrow –> #fraekfredag
For today, I just want to wish the blog a happy 2 years birthday!
And say this:
DARE TO SHARE
- There’s no wrongs if you’re true to yourself
If you want to share something – or wish the blog a happy birthday – feel free to leave a comment.
I think this photo shows us, what love really looks like. When you express love without any doubts. Without worries about what the one you love thinks of you or how he feels about you. When nothing stops love. When it flows freely. When it’s all around.
True. So many people focus on ‘the other part’. Finding the right one. Searching outside yourself. You should really concentrate on becoming the person, you want to be and you like to be. Then ‘the right one’ will be attracted to you some way or another, I think …
… og nu kan jeg sige det højt.
Jeg er stoppet på mit arbejde
Det har været sjovt, spændende og også hårdt. Men de seneste måneder har jeg kedet mig og mistet min arbejdsglæde. Og det dur jo ikke. Det fortalte jeg ærligt til mine chefer. Og derfor har vi valgt, at jeg stopper, så jeg i stedet kan få noget tid til at finde ud af, hvor mine næste arbejdsmæssigt udfordringer skal komme fra.
Jeg har derfor nu tid til at møde spændende mennesker fra interessante bureauer og virksomheder. Høre, hvad deres udfordringer er. Se om det er noget, jeg vil kunne hjælpe med at løse. Og mærke, om det er udfordringer, der kilder min drivkraft.
En ting skal du vide …
Jeg brænder (på den gode måde), når jeg udvikler individualiseret kommunikation på de analoge, digitale og sociale platforme.
Så der er flere muligheder
Jeg kan se mig selv på et stort bureau eller i en stor virksomhed. Her kan jeg nemlig hjælpe med at skabe integreret kommunikation på tværs af kanaler, fordi jeg har en bred profil, kan tale flere sprog og spille på flere tangenter.
Jeg kan se mig selv på et mindre bureau eller i en mindre virksomhed. Her kan jeg nemlig hjælpe med at gøre os til en konkurrencedygtig spiller på markedet, som vores kunder går til, fordi de føler sig set, forstået og kommunikeret til individuelt og relevant.
Og måske kan jeg også se mig selv som selvstændig. Jeg kan i hvert fald ikke komme uden om, at LauraJul – både som person og som .dk – blev en person og en blog, der fik virkelig mange følgere allerede i 2010. LauraJul får mange henvendelser. Men i sidste ende gavner det altid den virksomhed, jeg er ansat i. Det gælder fx på områder som rekruttering, samarbejdspartnere, newbizz og branding.
Et kort sammendrag af mit CV
- Jeg fik mit første job i reklamebranchen som 20-årig i 1999
- Jeg har været på både små og store bureauer
- Jeg har blevet nomineret til flere priser – og har skam også vundet guld
- Jeg har lavet alt fra corporate identitet og branding over print, speak og radiospots til loyalitetsprogrammer, corporate- og kampagnesites og facebook apps
- Jeg har arbejdet med kunder som fx TDC, Movia, Magasin, Falck, Alka, Telia, Lauritz Knudsen og Volkswagen
Det har jeg arbejdet med siden 1999
Mine titler og kaldenavne
Du kan se mit LinkedIn CV her
Har du lyst til at mødes?
Er du nysgerrig på de muligheder, som dit bureau eller virksomhed og jeg kunne ha’ sammen? Så lad os mødes til en kaffe og en snak, så jeg kan høre om jer – og så I kan lære mig bedre at kende.
Skriv til mig på
eller ring 2265 5123
Du kan jo altid starte med at lure mig ud her på min blog, hvor jeg poster det, der inspirerer mig og får mig til at tænke, smile eller grine.
Vi ses derude!
TED talker Brene Brown, who studies human connections, about vulnerable people:
“They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating… They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say I love you first. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees… The willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought that this was fundamental.”
“I know that vulnerability is kinda like the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness. But it appears it’s also the birth place of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love…”
She also says, that one of the ways many people deal with vulnerability is, that they numb their vulnerability – even though life is completely vulnerable. And when you numb vulnerability so you won’t feel shame, sadness or fear, you also numb the ability to feel joy, gratitude, happiness and compassion. You can’t selectively numb just the negative parts.
Through life I have wished for the ability to numb my vulnerability every once in a while. Or to be able to just put it aside for a bit. But the wish hasn’t really ever come true. I cannot put aside my vulnerability. It’s huge part of who I am. And even though it causes many challenges and tears every now and then, it’s also the reason why there is so much joy and sincereness in my life.
Brene Brown continues:
Let yourself be seen. Deeply seen. Vulnerably seen. Love with your whole heart, even though there is no guarantee. Practice gratitude and joy. Instead of catastrophes what might happen, be grateful for all that is. To feel vulnerable means you’re alive. Believe that you are enough. When you work from a place where you feel, you’re enough, you stop screaming and start listening. Then you are kinder and gentler to people around you and kinder and gentler to yourself.
This is a thank you letter. A thank you – to you, to the people I spent 2010 with – and a thank you to the year itself. It is also my looking back. My looking back at the year to remember, what happened. To think about what I went through. To be aware of what I learned. It is a story about my 2010. My hopes for it. And what actually happened.
This letter will be in Danish. I’m sorry. But my mother tongue will allow me to express myself while I think. And just let it out. Come what may.
Parts of my 2010 were all that I hoped for. Parts were magic. And parts I don’t wish for noone. Feel free to google translate, if you get curious. And if you don’t, know that I’m truly grateful for you being here, following me, walking with me – and sharing with me. You inspire me. And you make me want to share. Thank you.
Here is a link to a google translation of this post. You will lose the poetry and rhythm in the language. And some of the words are translated wrong. But you will get the point.
For nøjagtig et år siden skrev jeg to linjer på en gul post-it:
Farvel 2009. Jeg ønsker ikke at opleve dig igen. Du har været hård.
Tak 2009. Jeg ønsker ikke at være dig foruden. Du har lært mig mere end et årti.
2009 fik mig til at gå ind i 2010 med både et håb om og en tro på et nemmere år. Det ville være helt fair, syntes jeg, hvis jeg lige fik en pause fra de såkaldte ”livets udfordringer”. Et frikvarter fra alvor og beslutninger.
I starten af året holdt jeg bestemt intet frikvarter. Jeg havde travlt. Jeg havde så travlt på mit arbejde, at det gik ud over mit overskud. Men det var svært for mig at sige fra over for udfordringer og opgaver, der var spændende. Og hvor jeg godt kunne se, at jeg kunne gøre en forskel. Jeg havde også travlt privat. For der er virkelig mange mennesker, som jeg holder af, og som giver mig værdi at være sammen med. Og så er der alle de spændende arrangementer, som jeg gerne vil deltage i og lære af. Både dem, hvor jeg møder op og modtager. Og dem, jeg giver min tid til, fordi jeg godt ved, at jeg kan gøre en forskel.
Nogen gange tænker jeg på, om jeg kender for mange mennesker. For mange søde, spændende og inspirerende mennesker. Nogle gange tænker jeg på, om jeg engagerer mig i for mange ting eller projekter. Tager for meget ansvar. Giver for meget. Jeg har tilsyneladende svært ved at sige fra, når jeg ved, jeg kan gøre en forskel – uanset om det er for en kunde, en ven, en bekendt eller en fremmed.
Tak, men nej tak
Men jeg sagde faktisk fra. Jeg sagde fra til kærlighed. Eller potentiel kærlighed. Jeg sagde fra til kaffedates, middagstilbud, drinks og dinner. Jeg kunne ikke overskue, at nogen gerne ville se mig igen på tirsdag for at lære mig bedre at kende. På tirsdag havde jeg jo andre planer. Og nogen ville blive frustreret over, at jeg ikke havde tid til dem; At jeg fx hellere ville mødes med folk, jeg kendte fra en digital kommunikationsplatform, end at mødes med dém igen. Jeg hørte mig selv sige: ”Jeg har simpelthen for meget om ørerne”. Og det var sandhed. Jeg kunne også have sagt: ”Jeg er sgu ikke blevet nysgerrig nok af det indtryk, jeg har fået af dig, til, at jeg vil aflyse min aftale og så se dig i stedet”. Det ville også være sandhed. Den første sætning var bare lidt kortere… og jeg havde jo så travlt
Så da jeg ikke søgte. Da jeg ikke ledte. Da kom nysgerrigheden til mig. Den kom af en opdagelse om et menneske, jeg godt kendte, som jeg havde mødt flere gange og sludret med – men som jeg aldrig rigtig havde set. Jeg havde aldrig tænkt på ham med flirtende nysgerrighed før, indtil jeg opdagede vores ligheder. Nuancerne i vores ligheder blev til inspiration og nye oplevelser. Og nysgerrigheden voksede sig så stor, at hverken ham eller jeg kunne lade den være, uanset at vi begge vidste, at timingen godt kunne have været bedre.
Sommerfuglene kom flyvende. Tiden forsvandt. Det var som at møde en, jeg altid havde kendt, men blot været adskilt fra. Nu skulle der catches up, fortælles historier og udveksles erfaringer. Det var naturligt. Og flydende. Og der voksede en magisk tiltrækning og en fortryllende intensitet, der fik os til at smelte sammen i dyb samhørighed. Det var som at finde hjem. Og selv det at kigge ind i hinandens øjne, var som at se ind i noget af sig selv. Jeg kom til at elske ham. Og jeg nåede både at håbe og også tro på, at han var min sidste kæreste nogensinde. Vores ligheder gav mig lyst til mere, mere sammen, tid, oplevelser, udveksling, deling. Vores uligheder gav mig indsigt og opklarede årsager. De blev lærerige og livsudvidende. Vi blev fantastiske venner, drømmere, sparringspartnere og elskere – i en højere grad end vi havde prøvet før.
Efter 6 måneders uafbrudt nysgerrighed kom det: Konsekvensen af den dårlige timing. Trangen til at skulle finde sig selv, alene. Trangen til det uforpligtende og ansvarsløse. Desværre kom den ikke hos mig, men hos ham. Jeg havde mødt ham, netop som han skulle ud af et gammelt forhold. Og jeg har lært i dag, at uanset hvor klar man er følelsesmæssigt til at forelske sig i en ny, så kan man ikke springe den proces over, der handler om at genetablere sig selv som individ.
Det var et chok. Der var ingen tegn på, at det ville komme. Jeg gik faktisk og troede, at det aldrig ville ske. Smerten kom. Magtesløsheden. Også klarheden over, hvilke forskelle i hver vores parathed der gjorde, at vi ikke kunne være sammen som kærester. Men mit 2009 havde lært mig at kende forskel på de tårer, jeg græder, når jeg er ked af det. Og så min gråd, når jeg er ulykkelig. Jeg var syndersmadret og meget ulykkelig.
En kollega sagde til mig:
Laura, hvor er din aura?
Min udstråling forsvandt. Mit humør. Min energi. Jeg kunne ikke koncentrere mig. Jeg havde ingen tålmodighed. Min natur forsvandt i en grad, at jeg slet ikke kunne genkende mig selv de første 3 uger. Jeg lærte noget om min egen rummelighed og om, hvor vigtig ærlighed er, for at jeg kan respektere folk.
Jeg ligger vågen om natten og venter på dagen. Natten er så lang. Søvnen forbliver væk. Og spørgsmål og tanker gør det umuligt at finde ro. Når dagen endelig kommer, er den så svær at overskue. Dagen er så lang. Lang fordi du ikke er her. Lang fordi du ikke kommer hjem. Lang fordi du er så langt væk. Hele 2 gader.
Det føltes helt ironisk. Jeg havde fundet et menneske, som jeg levede med i komplet sync. Parallelle liv. Med ens rytmer, dagligdag, interesser, ønsker og færden. Nu levede vi bare vores fælles liv hver for sig, to gader fra hinanden. Vi tog til de samme ting, de samme steder. Men uden hinanden – eller med 10 minutters mellemrum. Vi loggede på de samme platforme og talte med de samme mennesker, men i hver vores adskilte samtaler.
Ikke at vi var blevet én i vores forhold. Vi var altid to – men to der bare fulgtes ad! Så det her føltes helt absurd og meningsløst; pludselig ikke at dele alle de ting, vi alligevel begge to gerne ville opleve.
Et sundere liv
Jeg opdagede, at jeg lever et sundere liv, når jeg lever i forhold, end når jeg lever alene. Jeg opdagede, hvor meget det åbenbart betyder for mig at dele selv de bitte små ting i hverdagen. Med savnet og i sorgprocessen kunne jeg se, hvor nøjagtig i mit liv jeg er. Hvad jeg har lyst til. Hvad der giver mig værdi. Hvad mine prioriteter er. Og hvorfor. Jeg spiser endda sundere, når jeg er i forhold. Jeg er mere hjemme, når jeg er i forhold. Og selvom det kan lyde forkert, så får jeg mere tid med mig selv, når jeg er i forhold. Jeg kan godt få alenetid, selvom min kæreste er hjemme. Han er årsag til, at jeg vil hjem fra arbejde hurtigst muligt. Vi er årsagen. Vi er årsagen til, at jeg prioriterer mig selv og nærværet med ham højere end arbejde, arrangementer og andre spændende mennesker – uanset hvor stor en forskel, jeg ved, jeg kan gøre hos dem.
Det blev også et år, hvor jeg skulle forholde mig til at blive kaldt både et omdrejningspunkt, en netværksdronning og noget så syret som et brand. Jeg ved godt, at jeg kan få ting til at ske. Og at jeg gør det med jævne mellemrum. Samtidig er det indimellem svært at forholde sig til, fordi jeg jo ikke synes, jeg gør noget, som alle andre ikke også kan gøre – eller allerede gør. Måske gør jeg det i en grad, der er større eller mere omfangsrig? Men jeg gør det jo, fordi det ligger i min natur.
Det med at dele. Det med at give videre.
Jeg er bestemt blevet gjort bevidst om, at folk digter egne fortolkninger om, hvilke skjulte hentydninger der mon ligger i et af mine tweets eller en blogpost. Og man kan jo tolke lige så tosset, man vil, og lave historier om både, at jeg flirter, at jeg kritiserer, eller at jeg sviner til. Men folk tæt på mig ved, at de ikke behøver at søge til min blog eller mine tweets for at finde ud af, hvad jeg tænker, eller hvordan jeg har det. Jeg fortæller dem både det gode og det smertefulde – lige ud af posen og uden nogen gættelege… mens jeg kigger dem i øjnene.
Når man tager initiativ, tager chancer, når man er åben, og når man deler – så får man også retur. I år har jeg fået mere end 4-500 nye bekendte, kan jeg se på facebook. Det er mere end et menneske om dagen. Det er jo vildt! Og det kan umiddelbart lyde overfladisk. Men jeg opfatter det ikke sådan. Der er nemlig mennesker blandt de 500, der er blevet gode og fortrolige venner. Der er mennesker, jeg har delt alt fra timer, tanker og erfaringer med til ferier, følelser og endda kropsvæsker Og så bruger jeg i øvrigt facebook som en slags netværkskartotek, hvor jeg putter folk ind, så jeg kan finde dem igen, når jeg skal noget med dem eller har noget, de kan bruge.
Mit 2010 har været yderlighedernes år. Det har været helt uundgåeligt at mærke, hvor meget jeg lever. Fra ypperligste intensitet og dybere forbindelse til umådelig ulykkelighed og en følelse af ikke at være noget værd. Lige nu er jeg i en mærkelig mellemting. Det har været en sund proces. Lærerig. Indsigtsfuld. Jeg har fundet min naturlige livsenergi igen. Og jeg er et godt sted nu. Jeg er ikke i mit liv, hvor jeg for et år siden håbede, jeg ville være. Men jeg har det godt.
Vid, hvor meget vores følgeskab, links, ord og tanker giver mig i hverdagen. Hvilken inspiration, lyst og begejstring det giver mig at møde dig på enten twitter, facebook, instagram, foursquare, messenger eller skype. Hvilken værdi det har for mig at møde dig på caféer, på arbejdet, til arrangementer, netværksmøder – eller hjemme i stuen over en kop the. Jeg lærer. Jeg tager ind. Jeg får lyst til at give videre. Og jeg kommer til at afbryde dig, fordi jeg bliver så begejstret og gerne vil være med. Jeg er dybt taknemmelig for alt det, jeg får. Jeg er dybt taknemmelig for alt det, der kom i 2010 – også alt det, jeg ikke så komme. For selvom det også kostede inderlig smerte, så kom smerten af en særlig kærlighed, som jeg ikke kendte til af dén slags, på alle de fælles fronter. Og som jeg heldigvis deler med ham stadig, om end anderledes end vi delte før.
Tak til dig. Fordi du er med. Og tak til 2010 for alt, der er givet.
Min gave til 2010 er min tagen stilling. Min ældste lillebrors kæreste mistede desværre sin kun 32-årige søster for et par måneder siden. Også dét gav mig noget at tænke over. Både inspiration og det at kunne gøre en forskel. Så jeg har taget stilling og doneret alle mine organer væk på nær min hud – ved accept fra mine pårørende.
Oven på dét afsnit kan det virke lidt makabert at afslutte. Men alt kan ske. Året er åbent, og det er jeg også. Jeg evner heldigvis at sørge for, at jeg hele tiden har mig selv med.
Come what may. Come 2011
Blev inspireret til disse ord af Mikael Bertelsens pilgrimsvandring.
Kigger man på det sådan helt bogstaveligt, kan jeg godt være for doven til at tage skoen af og fjerne stenen. Men når det handler om livet generelt, er jeg skruet sådan sammen, at jeg SKAL ha’ stenen ud med det samme! Jeg er dårlig til at vente på et ‘bedre og mere passende tidspunkt’. For er stenen der, er den alt, jeg kan mærke og alt, jeg kan tænke på. Så den skal ud. Nu! Og derfor bliver smerten heller ikke lige så stor, som hvis jeg skal gå rundt med den længe. I timer. Eller dage.
Åh, og apropos pilgrimsvandring. Så har min far faktisk gået turen hele vejen fra Sankt Jakobs Kirken på Østerbro, Kbh. til Santiago de Compostela i Spanien. Det tog 5 mdr. nøjagtig, og han gik 25 km om dagen – hver dag. Han er Danmarks sejeste pilgrim.
Jeg er stolt. Hun er så god!
Jeg har en lillesøster på 20 år, der har givet mig en pakkekalender her i december. I morges åbnede jeg en pakke med dette digt, som hun selv har skrevet:
Nogen gange når jeg hænger med hoved’ nedad, overvejer jeg at blive hængende.
Nogen gange når jeg falder på gaden, overvejer jeg at blive liggende.
Nogen gange når jeg har hoved’ under vand, overvejer jeg aldrig at komme op igen.
Nogen gange overvejer jeg at lade være med at overveje alting og bare gå hjem.
Andre gange overvejer jeg at overveje alting en ekstra gang og i overvejelsen finde frem til, at det med at have hoved’ den rigtige vej, ofte er en overvejelse værd.
- af Freja Sofie Rosendahl